Broken
by bibelot
Summary: Jim, Pam, and a teapot.
1. Chapter 1

Nine forty-two and he still isn't there. She can't blame him, of course. _If I were leaving for Australia tomorrow, I wouldn't show up for work either. Hell, I'm getting married on Saturday. What am I even doing here._

Nine forty-three. _And why do you want to see him anyway? He's leaving and he doesn't want to see you. And even if he does show up, like today is going to be any different from yesterday, or the day before, or the day before._

Forty-four. _This is silly._ Looking for distractions, she sees the green teapot on her desk. She reaches over and picks it up, feels the weight of it in her hands, polishes the finish with the end of her shirt sleeve, takes a peek inside. It's empty.

Forty-five. _A watched pot never boils_. With new resolve, she gets up from her desk and heads towards the kitchen, teapot in hand. And as she makes her way across the room, she can't help but daydream a bit, about the Christmas party and the iPod and the look on his face…. _I traded with Dwight. Um, just, I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and that means a lot…._

And about how she sheepishly tried to cover herself…._ And also, Roy got me an iPod, or, uh, was going to get me an iPod, so…_.

And as she walks into the kitchen, about the yearbook photo and the Boggle timer and she doesn't even see Ryan turn around until the teapot is halfway to the floor. And her daydream shatters apart too. "Oh!"

Ryan looks at her for a moment, then at the ground, and then back at her. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry," he says and bends down to pick up the pieces. She stands there in shock for a moment before she comes to her senses and helps.

"Oh no, it's my fault. I was just, I wasn't paying attention." _Stupid, stupid! _With four or five pieces in hand, Ryan looks around for the trash can. She reaches under the sink and pulls out a brown paper bag. She shakes it open and sets it down on the ground. He puts the pieces inside.

"I'll buy you a new one, how about that?"

"No, that's all right. I can probably find another one."

"No, please, I insist."

"No, really, it's fine." _It wouldn't be the same anyway._ She hopes he can't tell that she's fighting back tears.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it." She feigns brushing a lock of hair away from her face in order to wipe some moisture from the corner of her eye. They finish putting the pieces in the bag. He apologizes one last time and holds the door for her as she heads back to her desk with it.

It's Jim. _Oh no, why couldn't you have gotten here five minutes ago?_ She tries to hide the bag behind herself as she approaches him.

"Hey, Pam."

"Hey." _Don't ask about the bag. Don't ask about the bag._

"What's in the bag?"

"Oh, nothing." Pause. "Just trash." _If only._

"All right then." Can he tell that she's lying? Somehow he can always tell. She hopes he doesn't press it. She changes the subject.

"I thought you might not show today."

"What, and miss another riveting day of paper sales? Why else would I be here?" A beat passes.

He goes to sit down, but she nervously blurts out, "Hey, so Roy's bachelor party is tonight."

"Oh really? Funny, I don't remember getting an invitation." He cracks half a smile and she returns the other half.

"Yeah, so I'm gonna be all alone tonight. And since, you know, you're going on vacation, I thought maybe we could have a little going away dinner, huh? I'll let you pick the restaurant, anywhere but Chili's," she says with an expectant smile.

"I'm really sorry, I can't." Pause. "I've still got all this packing to do. You know."

_He's making excuses. He doesn't want to see you. Of course he doesn't want to see you._ "Well, maybe if you need a hand picking out vacation clothes?" _What are you doing?_ "You know, it's winter in Australia now, so the Bermuda shorts may not be so appropriate."

He laughs briefly and responds politely, "Really, thanks for the offer, but I think I'll be okay."

"Okay then. I'd better get back to work." She tries to slink back to her desk quietly, but she stumbles a bit and the bag clatters. She turns around briefly to see if he noticed, but he doesn't look up. She puts the bag down underneath her desk and gives him another glance. He still doesn't look up.

_Oh, Pam, what are you doing? Stop being ridiculous. Why would he want to spend time with you outside of work? He's not even coming to the wedding. You're obviously not as close as you thought, or as you had hoped, or as you were once? Well, who needs him? You're engaged, for heaven's sake! You'll always have Roy. Always. Well, except during the day. And some nights. Like tonight._

She looks down at the broken teapot and sighs. _Why weren't you holding it tighter? Why weren't you paying attention? _She can hardly remember. _No, you shouldn't blame yourself. It was Ryan. He was the one who bumped into you. It's his fault. It's all his fault…._

Suddenly there's a loud clang, and she's startled back to her senses. _No it isn't. It's my fault. This whole thing is my fault. _She looks at the teapot again. _God, I'm so stupid. What am I going to tell Jim? He'll be crushed…._ She glances over at his desk again, but he isn't there. Her eyes sweep across the office for a second, and then she sees that he's been accosted by Kelly in the kitchen. _He talks to her more than he talks to you, and he doesn't even like her. What does that tell you?_

_Get a grip, Pam! You're going to drive yourself crazy! You shouldn't be this upset. You're just nervous about the wedding. Yes, that's it. Don't worry about Jim._ She glances over at his desk, but he's not back yet._ You're marrying Roy and everything will be fine. Sure, Roy's not perfect, but neither is Jim, he can't be, nobody is. God, you shouldn't even be thinking about this…._

_Maybe I can fix it. Sure, a little bit of glue and it'll be good as new. I'll do it tonight when Roy is out. Jim will never know the difference. It'll be easy. I'll just bring it in tomorrow and he'll see it, well, he'll see it once he gets back and he'll never know how stupid I was. And everything will be fine. Everything will be fine. Everything will be…._

"Hey, babe. Lunch?" _Already? _

"Sure."

As she and Roy are about to walk into the kitchen, she takes a quick glance at Jim. He's looking right at her. She's about to stop for a moment, but then as Roy starts to turn around she decides to keep going.

She takes an especially long lunch, staying in the break room even after Roy has gone back to work. Jim doesn't show up.

----------

Five twenty-four and everyone has left except for her and Jim. She's glad that he hasn't noticed that she's been looking at him for half an hour. Finally, he grabs his things and heads towards her desk.

"Heading out?" She tries to look busy.

"Yup," he says curtly. "So, Beesley, I guess I'll see you in a couple weeks." _But I won't be Beesley in a couple weeks._

"Yeah." Pause. "Hey, so are you sure you don't want to get dinner?" _What are you doing?_

He pauses for a moment. Then he shrugs and gives her a look that she's only seen once before. "I can't, I'm really sorry."

_What was the point of that?_ "That's okay, I understand." _No you don't._ Pause. _Say something clever. _"But you have to promise to teach me the didgeridoo when you get back."

He gives a short laugh and smiles. "Fine. But only if you can convince Dwight that it's a kangaroo mating call."

"Deal." Pause. _Is that it?_ "All right, have a good trip."

"Bye." He gives her a wave and smile and heads towards the door.

_Is that it? No, it can't be, can it? You have to do something. _He turns the corner. _You have to stop him! Just get him back! Do it! Hurry up! What are you waiting for? Just…._

"Hey, Jim?" she calls out. There's no answer. A beat passes.

"Jim?" she says softly. Another beat passes.

She begins to tear up and covers her face with her hands. _Oh God, oh God, oh God… What is wrong with you? How could you… Why didn't you… Now what are you…._

"Pam." He says it softly. She looks up and suddenly can't imagine a happier moment. She wipes away her tears and he just stands there, watching her. Finally, she barely manages to compose herself.

"Jim, I…I have to tell you something." He doesn't say anything. A long pause. "I…" He still doesn't say anything. _Just say it. Say it! Oh, if only he'd kiss me right now so I wouldn't have to! Why won't he? Say it, damn it, say it! Say it! _"I…"

He still doesn't say anything.

"I…"_ Tell him you love him. Tell him you can't live without him. Tell him you're sick of Roy. Tell him…tell him… _"I broke the teapot…." _What? _"It…it was an accident…. I… I…." _Who cares about a stupid teapot? Why didn't you…how…_ She's never felt so horrible about herself in her life. As the tears stream down her face, she tries to turn away, run to the back, cover her face, anything to get away. But he has her hand clasped in his, and she's forced to stay.

She can barely think straight. Is he saying something? "...just a teapot… Pam… sorry… just a teapot… Australia… when I go--"

"Please…don't," she blurts out. "I…" Silence.

They stare at each other for fifteen seconds, and then she says quickly, "I'm sorry, Jim." He releases her hand, and she runs to the bathroom. He doesn't follow her.

----------

By the time she's ready to leave, the sun's already hanging low in the sky. She grabs her stuff, including the paper bag, and heads outside. Momentarily disoriented, she looks around, trying to remember where she parked. Then she sees the car in a lonely corner of the parking lot. _All right, Pam, relax, pull yourself together. Everything will be fine._ Resolved, she spends a brief moment straightening out her clothing, takes a deep breath, and then heads towards the car as casually as she can manage. As she passes a garbage can, she unceremoniously tosses in the broken teapot. She wouldn't have been able to use it again anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

He almost can't believe that he's decided to go to work today. _Half an hour ago you were determined to stay home, just avoid the situation. She's obviously going to go through with it. Nothing's changed. It's too late for you to do anything._ He considers turning around. But he would still like to see her before he goes, and he tries to convince himself that it's the right thing to do. _It would be rude not to at least say goodbye. You should at least be courteous. Fine. But absolutely no doing anything crazy. You don't want to be the one she hates forever for trying to break up her wedding._

As the elevator makes its way up, he smoothes out his shirt and straightens his tie. Then he heads for the front door of the office. He pauses before going in. _Hey, Pam. Yeah, I overslept. I'm trying to get jetlagged before I go, make things easier. Yeah, well, you know I wouldn't want to miss a riveting day of paper sales._

He takes a deep breath and opens the door. She's not at her desk. For a moment he hopes that maybe she decided to call in sick. _But then this would be a waste, now wouldn't it._ As he turns the corner, he sees her coming from the kitchen, conspicuously trying to hide a brown paper bag behind her.

"Hey, Pam."

"Hey." She shifts uncomfortably.

"What's in the bag?"

"Oh, nothing." _Oh, really._ "Just trash." She's obviously lying, but he decides to let it slip this time. No need to be overly aggressive, especially today.

"All right then."

"I thought you might not show today."

"What, and miss another riveting day of paper sales? Why else would I be here?" Pause.

_Phew, that wasn't so bad. _But then as he's sitting down, she says, "Hey, so Roy's bachelor party is tonight."

_So? _"Oh, really? Funny, I don't remember getting an invitation." He smiles a bit, and he's glad to see that she does too.

"Yeah, so I'm gonna be all alone tonight." _Where is she going with this?_ "And since, you know, you're going on vacation, I thought maybe we could have a little going away dinner, huh?" _What is she doing? She's getting married in three days! Maybe this is a sign...maybe you should...maybe something will happen... No, stop that. It'll just be horrible, you know that._ "I'll let you pick the restaurant, anywhere but Chili's."

"I'm really sorry, I can't." She seems unconvinced. "I've still got all this packing to do. You know." Can she tell that he's lying? Somehow she can always tell.

"Well, maybe if you need a hand picking out vacation clothes? You know, it's winter in Australia now, so the Bermuda shorts may not be so appropriate."

He has a brief flash of the office barbecue at his house, Pam exploring his room, sitting on the bed, laughing. He laughs briefly but then catches himself. "Really, thanks for the offer, but I think I'll be okay."

"Okay then. I'd better get back to work." As she walks back to her desk, he can't help but watch her. But then she stumbles, and he turns away.

_Stop it, Jim. Believe me, you don't want to see her tonight. She just wants to make sure you stay friends, and just that. You might have a good time, hell, let's face it, you will, but then what? No one calls off a wedding three days before it happens. You should just let it happen and move on._

_And what'll happen after you get back from Australia? _He doesn't want to think about it. _Maybe I could just leave forever. People move and get new jobs all the time. And then I wouldn't have to deal with Dwight anymore. _He glances over at Dwight, who is attempting to fashion some sort of weapon out of pencils and rubber bands. "Careful Dwight, you could poke somebody's eye out."

"That's the idea."

He glances over at her desk to see if she's paying attention, but she isn't. She almost seems to be sick, and as she looks down for a second, she lets out a loud sigh. He considers going over to ask her what's wrong, but decides against it.

There's a loud clang as a pencil ricochets off of his desk lamp. He takes a look at Dwight, who is slyly trying to retrieve his pencil, and decides that it's a good time to put his lunch in the refrigerator.

In the kitchen, Kelly is getting a cup of coffee. _Maybe she won't have anything to say. _"Oh my god, Jim! Ryan told me all about it!"

"What." He puts his lunch in the refrigerator.

"You mean Pam didn't tell you?"

He pauses. "No."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Jim!" _What is it already?_ "Pam broke your teapot! Ryan said that he was in the kitchen, and he turned around and she just dropped it! She didn't even bump into him or anything! Can you believe it? She just dropped it, and it shattered into a million pieces! And Ryan said she was crying! Crying, Jim! Isn't that so sweet?" _So that's what's wrong with her. Oh no, she must feel awful!_ "And Ryan, he's so sweet, she was so upset that he offered to buy her a new one! But she said she didn't want another one! You don't think she did it on purpose, do you? Maybe she didn't like it? Oh, but how could she not like it! Or maybe she did it because, you know, because of the wedding? Maybe she has a crush on you, too, Jim, and she just couldn't bear to look at that teapot anymore!" He considers telling her that he doesn't have a crush on Pam anymore, but he figures it would be no use. "Oh my god, Jim, that was such a sweet gift! If only Ryan would give me a gift like that! It would be so cute! If he ever gave me a gift like that, I would literally die! Then I would ask him to marry me right then and there! Oh, I can't believe she didn't tell you! Maybe she doesn't want you to be angry with her! Maybe she doesn't want you to think she doesn't care about you! Jim! You have to go talk to her! What are you still doing here?" He nods and is about to leave, but she keeps on talking. "You and Ryan should go shopping together, and that way he'll know what makes a perfect gift! Last weekend, Ryan and I were at the mall--"

"Hey, Kelly? Could you do me a favor and not talk to Pam about the teapot?"

"Sure, Jim. Why, because you want to talk to her about it yourself? Oh, that's so cute, Jim! Sure, I can keep a secret! I'm great at keeping secrets! Like the other day, Ryan and I were at the mall..."

Eventually he makes it back to his desk. Pam is still looking distressed. _Go ahead, go talk to her. It'll make her feel a lot better. It'll make you feel a lot better. No, wait until she tells you. She should at least respect you enough to tell you something like this._

_Does she think I'll be upset? It was an accident. It doesn't mean anything. She'll tell you eventually. Don't worry about it. It must have been a stressful morning for her. You don't want to push her. It doesn't mean anything._

He spends the rest of the morning working, constantly hoping that she'll come over and talk to him, but she doesn't. By the time Roy comes in to ask her about lunch, she looks as distracted as ever. He watches as she and Roy walk towards the break room. As she's about to enter the kitchen, she turns to look at him. They share a brief moment, but once Roy starts to turn around, the moment is lost.

He gets up and heads towards the front door. "Where are you going?" asks Dwight.

"Oh, I thought I'd go out for lunch today."

"Well, don't be late coming back..." Dwight holds up his makeshift weapon. "...or else."

He's a little late getting back, but Dwight doesn't notice. For some reason Pam's still not at her desk. He considers finding her and asking about the teapot, but decides that it would be better to wait until everyone else is gone at the end of the day. If he can make it that long.

----------

Five twenty-four and everyone has left except for him and Pam. He can't help but notice that she's been looking at him for half an hour. Finally he decides to get it over with. He grabs his things and heads towards her desk.

"Heading out?"

"Yup." _Should I ask her to walk out with me? No, better not. That elevator will be torture._ "So, Beesley, I guess I'll see you in a couple weeks." _That's it, nice and casual._

"Yeah." _Should I bring it up now? _"Hey." _Too late._ "So are you sure you don't want to get dinner?"

_Can she seriously be asking me again? Now, wait. Consider it for a second. How bad could it be, sharing a last meal with the girl you're in love with who's about to get married while you're in Australia? Just say you changed your mind. This is your last chance! Just do it! No, don't! Does she really think you'll be appeased by one meal? No, she'll have to do better than that. _He shrugs. "I can't, I'm really sorry."

"That's okay, I understand." _Does she?_ "But you have to promise to teach me the didgeridoo when you get back."

He laughs and smiles. _Oh, God, I'm going to miss you._ "Fine. But only if you can convince Dwight that it's a kangaroo mating call."

"Deal." _Should I bring it up now? Hey, where's the teapot? No. By the way, Kelly told me about the teapot. No. I'm sorry, I heard… _"All right, have a good trip."

_You know what, forget it. _"Bye." He gives her a wave and smile and heads towards the door. _I wonder if she noticed that I didn't wish her a happy wedding. She must have. Whatever, just let me out of here. You've got to get over her, and the way to do that is right out this door. _He turns the corner. _Yes, I feel better already. No worries. Deep breaths. Australia, here I..._

"Hey, Jim?" He stops. _Did I just imagine that? Could she have?_

"Jim?" It's softer this time. He tries to tell himself to keep on walking, down the elevator, out the front door.

But he can't leave her.

He turns around and slowly starts to walk back into the office. She's sitting at her desk, her face in her hands, crying. He's never seen her cry before.

"Pam." He says it softly. The crying stops. She looks up at him, and it looks as if she's trying desperately to smile. He doesn't know the last time she looked so beautiful.

"Jim, I...I have to tell you something." _Could it be? Could it really be? Oh, Pam... _Pause. _What's taking you so long? Can't you feel it? All you have to do is say the word. Please, oh, please, just say it! _"I..." _Come on, Pam, I know you can do it! Just say it! Say it! I love you, but you have to be the one to say it!_ "I..." _Maybe I should just kiss her right now. Oh, Pam..._ He can't help but imagine her lips moving softly, hesitantly, then ever so confidently against his, her warm, tear-stained cheek resting against his own.

"I..." _No, Pam, you have to be the one to tell me. Just take a chance, Pam, say it! Please, Pam, just once in your life! Please, say it! Say it... _"I broke the teapot." _What?_ "It...it was an accident. I... I..." _Oh, Pam, I don't care about the teapot! Why can't you... _She tries to escape, but he gently grabs her hand with both of his.

"Oh, Pam, I know, I know all about it. It's just a teapot." _Why are you saying that? We both know that's not the issue here!_ "Pam...Pam! Are you listening to me? I'm so sorry, I should have told you. Kelly told me all about it. But it's just a teapot, Pam. Do you hear me? Pam!" She's not responding. "I'll tell you what, I can get you another one. How about one from Australia?" _What are you saying? That's not going to help her! Don't bring that up now! _"Sure, Pam, I'll bring one back from there when I go--"

"Please...don't," she blurts out. "I..." Silence.

They stare at each other for fifteen seconds, and then she says quickly, "I'm sorry, Jim." He releases her hand and she runs towards the back. He doesn't follow her.

It takes him a few moments to collect himself, but eventually he is out the door and in the elevator. _Torture._

_----------_

Hours later, he's still sitting in his car, keys in place, trying to will himself to drive away. _Come on, it's over. Let's go already._ But he doesn't.

Then he sees Pam in his rearview mirror in front of the office, straightening out her clothing. She looks calmer, perhaps even content. He can't watch as she walks across the lot. It's not until he hears a door opening that he looks up and sees her getting into his passenger seat. She plops herself down and matter-of-factly buckles herself in, and then she looks at him silently with her head tilted slightly and a huge smile on her face. He realizes as he's laughing that he can't stop smiling either. "Well, if you insist. Want to try sneaking into Chili's?" He turns on the ignition.

She tries to lean over and put her arms around his neck, but there's a box in between their seats. She picks it up and is about to put it on the floor in front of her when he says, "That's for you."

She gives him a quizzical look. He goads her into opening it and shifts the car into reverse. The instant she sees the first hint of green she knows exactly what it is. She quickly finishes unwrapping it. It's a slightly different shape and color, and it's empty, but still her eyes tear up as she holds it. "But how did you...? When did you...?"

"I picked it up during lunch," he says while backing up. "But I didn't think I was going to get a chance to give it to you." As he shifts into drive, she puts the teapot back into the box, sets the box on the ground, undoes her seatbelt, and quickly leans over to him, putting her arms around him and pulling him closer.

Laughing, he says, "Hey, watch it! Do you want us to crash into that telephone pole and get concussions?"

She laughs and loosens her grip on him. "No, of course not."

They start moving forward. "Besides," he says, "you haven't even read the card yet."


End file.
